FINAL DESTINATION 5 - ON THE DON'T LIST

i recently happened to crash a press screening. don’t ask how that happened, it’s still not clear for me yet. i was supposed to see the rabbit hole, a film about a couple dealing with the death of their child (no, it’s not antichrist) i was a bit worried about going to see a heavy film at 10:30 in the morning.

i got there and, as i was going in, i was handed a pair of 3d glasses. that was a little red flag but…the second one was the group of 5 teenagers sitting next to me. if i were a teenager, the only reason i’d go to an arty film in a multiplex in the am would be to make out…but they were 5 and…do kids still make out at the movies?

anyhow, i had been told at the entrance that i was in the right place for the press screening so i didn’t budge until it said final destination 5 in huge letters on the screen. i stood up and got out of the hall, trying to find my film. the person in charge said there were no other screenings at that time…so i went back to fd5.

i must say right away that it did not bore me enough to leave. that’s a little plus given that we all already know exactly what’s going to happen in this film.

as the masterpiece only needed a small part of my brain to process, i day dreamed about how it got done: you gather a group of the most stressed out mothers and ask them to brainstorm their worst fears. take the final list and divide those by the number of victims in the film. then, have the draft re-written by a teen gamer with total disregard for the rules of physics. finally, have a team of grown up professional crew shoot a cast of wholesome, acting-skill free people on the background of a cgi world. hand the footage to an excellent post-production team. spend on the advertising campaign twice as much as you did on the rest. release and live happily ever after from the never ending revenue.